Masking

The best way to describe masking is when someone hides or changes how they naturally think, feel, or behave so they can fit in and be more easily accepted by others.

It involves hiding, changing, or suppressing natural behaviours, reactions, and ways of communicating in order to meet social expectations. This might include forcing eye contact, carefully choosing words, hiding sensory discomfort, suppressing fidgeting, etc. 

For some people, masking becomes so familiar that they do it automatically, often without realising how much effort it takes.

Masking could help in school, at work, or in social situations. But it can also be exhausting. Constantly monitoring yourself takes energy, and over time, it can leave you feeling drained, stressed, or disconnected from who you really are.

The good news is that there are ways to make masking less overwhelming and create more space for your authentic self. One helpful strategy is to schedule regular "unmasking" time. Think of this as giving yourself permission to stop performing. Find a place where you feel safe and comfortable, whether that's at home, in your bedroom, out in nature, or anywhere you can relax without feeling judged. During this time, allow yourself to be as natural as possible. Let go of the pressure to act a certain way and simply be yourself. These moments can help you reconnect with who you are.

Another important step is paying attention to your sensory needs. Many people with neurodiversity experience sensory overload from things like noise, bright lights, crowded places, strong smells, or uncomfortable clothing. When you're masking, it's easy to ignore these discomforts, but they don't simply go away. Instead, they build up over time. Small adjustments can make a big difference. Noise-cancelling headphones, comfortable clothing, quiet breaks, sunglasses, or sensory tools can all help reduce stress and make everyday life more manageable.

It's also important to remember that socialising can be tiring, even when you enjoy it. If you've spent hours masking at work, school, family gatherings, or social events, your brain may need time to recover afterward. Try to build some recharge time into your routine. This could mean reading a book, taking a walk, listening to music, enjoying a favourite hobby, or simply sitting quietly for a while. Giving yourself permission to rest can help prevent burnout and protect your well-being.

Another useful exercise is to think about the people in your life. Some people make you feel accepted and comfortable, while others may leave you feeling like you have to constantly hide parts of yourself. You don't need to change all your relationships overnight, but it can help to notice where you feel most relaxed and understood. Spending more time with supportive people can reduce the pressure to mask all the time.

Finally, connecting with other like-minded people can be incredibly powerful. There is something reassuring about talking to people who understand your experiences without needing lengthy explanations. Whether through support groups, online communities, local groups, or friendships, finding people who "get it" can help you feel less alone and more confident in being yourself.

Masking may always be part of life in some situations, but it doesn't have to take over your life. By creating time to unmask, looking after your sensory needs, recharging when needed, building supportive relationships, and connecting with the right people, you can find a healthier balance between fitting in and staying true to yourself.

If the above resonates with you and you'd like someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. Feel free to get in touch at 07831 678754 or email me at info@kremismithcounselling.co.uk.